Emotional Abuse

Who Is An Emotional Abuser?

How can I spot an emotional/verbal abuser?

A person who is an emotional or verbal abuser is very tricky to spot. Most often they are clinically diagnosed with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (if you are lucky enough to get them to see a psychiatrist), the very diagnosis itself being very hard to pinpoint as these people are adept at trying to carry off a public image as being generous, kind, decent, successful, sensitive, calm and nondescript.

Sam Vaknin is an expert on the study of the Narcissitic Personality Disorder (NPD). Those with NPD believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. This is a personality disorder which often starts from childhood when growing up in an abusive or alcoholic or drug abusive family. The person with NPD is not just in love with themselves, but is characterized by lack of empathy and is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others, are very sensitive to criticism or defeat, may react with disdain or rage when their flaws are pointed out or the perceive someone is being critical of them, feels grandiose and self-important, convinced that he or she is unique and can only be understood by very special people, requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, feels entitled to special treatment and favors, dmands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations, uses others to achieve his or her own ends, arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.

A potential victim could be swept off his/her feet by the abuser's inital acts of over-the-top shows of love and affection. The abuser will keep up this act until the victim is so caught up in the abuser that victim will often wonder what they did wrong when the abuse starts.

The abuser will rarely admit he/she has a problem. The abuser will claim their behavior is always the fault of someone or something else. Even if the abuser is backed into a corner to admit he/she has a problem, the abuser will minimize the problem and claim the victim is being too sensitive or blowing it out of proportion.

The abuser is unable to take responsibility for their own feelings of self-hatred, chaos, or low self-esteem. Instead, they make the victim responsible for their happiness and when the victim is unable to do this, the abuser will try and make the victim feel as badly as the abuser.