Jennifer's Secret Spot

Halfway up the hillside, Jennifer took a stroll as she did everyday. She loved the fresh, crisp air filled with the scent of pine needles newly dropped from the trees and covered in dew. She loved feeling the firm, yet yielding turf beneath her feet with each step she took going towards her special spot.

She knew this spot was her's from the first time she dreamed about it. High enough to be away from civilisation, but close enough to look down and see the details of the waves as they crash upon the sandy shores of the beach below.

Her place of escape was so remote and so special to her heart. It was where she went to escape from the problems of life and to think things through. Her little niche in the hills had a beautiful, exotic flower garden within the trimmed bush surrounding her private space. In the center was an elegant white marble fountain and facing that fountain was a red wooden bench where she would sit and think.

From her throne, she could not only enjoy the fountain and the beauty of her garden, but she could glance to the side in the opening of her bushy fence and see the ocean tides come and go. It was calming to watch the greenish blue waves peak and crash into a foam on the sand around the shore.

Birds would fly within the boundaries of her private area and feed on the seed she left for them at the top of the fountain. Often the birds would swoop down and splash in the fountain's pond then when they were tired would lit on Jennifer's head before they flew off to carry on with their lives.

Her morning constitutional was no different today than any other day. Life in the city can be stressful for anyone. All of her friends would kill for a spot to get away like she had which is why she has told no one where she runs off to each morning.

Jennifer was heading through a personal crisis and lacked the focus and guidance of what to do. It's not easy for a woman pushing 40 to feel confident in her life when she spent most of her adult life pursuing a path she thought was so important in her 20's. She has come to realize the person she was back then is not the person she is today and feels stuck on how to make it better.

She felt ashamed to have regrets, but on some levels she did. Although she was grateful to have experienced life with a man who loved her and gave her wonderful children, she wished she could have done more. She was angry because she had no one to blame but herself for the bad choices she made when she was younger. You don't think when you are young about those choices and how they will affect you when you reach 40.

She felt trapped by a man who took her for granted. He treated her more of an object or a servant than an equal partner in the marriage. He could go from adoring while putting Jennifer on a pedestal so high to barraging her with verbal sewage that knocked her down so hard and fast. He devalued her worth to make her feel as bad as he did about his own problems. In time, Jennifer felt worthless.

She also felt trapped by the fact she wanted so badly to leave and start all over, but she loved him deeply. To leave the man would destroy him and she could not have that on her conscience. As much as he treated her badly, all she could think about was how to make him feel better as a man. To walk away from it all would never go well.

She sat and waited for her daily visitor. The angelic being, glowing in white light with golden streaked outlines to magnify its presence lit down on the ground in front of her as she manifested him for guidance. The angel touched her head and read the thoughts in her mind and poured into her a healing white light that filled her up and gave her the insight she lacked. Then he ascended away towards the skies.

Deep down she knew things always had a way to work out and the dilemma she faced is something shared by others. Jennifer was in love with someone else and wanted to move on, but could never walk away from what she had. Perhaps it was fear that kept her with a man she wanted to leave or maybe she is more loyal than she gave herself credit for, but she knew she had to stay.

What if she did leave, would her love still love her? Would it be heavy on his mind that she may one day leave her? What if it were only in her head and he never really loved her that way, could she make it alone? What would it do to her husband, a man she loved despite all they have been through? She still cared too much for him and could never hurt him in that way. She would rather hurt herself than hurt anyone.

Then the guidance came to her and she took a deep breath and sang the song, "Que Sera Sera."